my surch for salvation

my surch for salvation
Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

i was in love with a liar

This is the end
Of you and me
And everything I used to be
Back then it meant something
But you're living a lie, you just can't hide from me

im tried of all this shit.

of cutting or ana.

of stupied people who change there mind. you know what i have a right to be mad!even tho he said he didnt want to hurt me it was still pretty dick! so you know what fuck you! fuck this.

im sabrina fucking cardinal. im not letting ANYONE break me again. ever. i let my walls down for him thats why im hurt. there going back up and no one is getting in. no one will ever hurt me again.

i had good memories with him. he said he loved me. here i have a great convo to show every one!

sabrina:hey,alright so can i ask you a question? cuz i didn't have a chance to ask you on what was it thruseday?


sabrina: when did you feelsing start to change?

brendan:sat. last week

sabrina:figuers as much

brendan: ya (<--- loveing your vocab!)

sabrina:thanks thats all i wanted to know


yeah so thats how it went. so i ask why am i wasting my time on thos memories? cuz on some level i wish it was still like that. i cant live in the past. esspacly when the present brendan is cold. there for...

i sabrina (fucking) cardinal, am so over it.

its time to start writeing about what this blog is made for, new begings happy storys. and not liars. i used to be in love with one.

-sabrina fucking cardinal-

Thursday, October 21, 2010

love kills slowly

okay so conserding this is my blog i have the right to say what ever i want..

so yeah i got dumped today.. what was karls words oh yes "i dumped her like a sack of potatos"... not one of my best days

i dont even know where to start. im not mad. im not relieved, or happy. im hurt. i feel empty like something cold is ripping out my insides.

i told you i loved you more brendan. i guess i win? yeah doesnt feel so good.

i remember every deatail of every thing that ever happened and there washing my insides away like acid. i remember the shapeing of his skin. the color of there eyes and how the change. the feeling of his soft skin. his hair. the fabric of his shirt. might me kinda creeper like but i just do. cuz i loved him.

i loved him. i let him in. i showed him everything inside of me. he hated it. he walked away. i gave him every thing i had. it wasnt enofe. no one can possably imagin how much that hurt. it happened so meny times... i should be used to it right? rong. it hurts more and more each time now.

i wish i could pretend

pretend it didnt happen

pretend none of it was real

i wish this was a dream...

its not a dream, its a night mare.

i cant pretend it doesnt hurt anymore. he feels bad that he hurt me. i dont get it. does that make it better? he feels bad okay so? does that make me batter does that fix me.

ana im temped to take her back now. i havent eaten all day i just drank water. i couldnt bring myself to eat. i riped aprt my food and thats about it every one gave me candy and stuff but it didnt make it better. i was in my old state of mind all day. you kmow if i dont eat ill be perfect. then ill be worth love.

it hurts so much. not being goos enofe. every one says you can get anyone you want. i dont want anyone. i wanted him cuz he pushed me to be better. pushed me to change. he made me happy. happy like you wouldnt believe. it was like a durg... i hate this i cant hate him. even tho he lied. even tho he took my happyness away. i dont want to hate him. i just want to sit some place cold and dark and never think again. some place where the darkness is a cool velevit.

i always knew i was worthless. its carved on my body along with fallen and lair... you can guess why.

i stoped cutting for him. i lived and didnt kill myslelf for him. i dont habve that reson anymore. i can be free. i can fly away

love kills slowly