my surch for salvation

my surch for salvation
Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.

Monday, September 20, 2010

highschool, resons,views

"I am a little bit insecure, a little unconfident
'Cause you don't understand, I do what I can
But sometimes I don't make sense"

yeah i hate highschool.or more like i hate people.alot.

im a wrd girl with many opions that change but i have to solid one that are polar oppistes but mesh very well together.

love and hate.

they say you can't hate some one you love. but oppistes would be nothing without the other. there is a thin line betwwen love and hate like there is with oppisats. night and day, life and death, good and evil.

you can know love unless you've felt don't know light unless you now dark. and you dont know what good and evil if you've never seen true good or true evil.if you haven't felt any of thos you have not yet lived. you are nivie.

i have felt. i have lived. i hate it. its hard to find resons to live at all,i made a list it was supossed to be of 50 for a while its thankfullly growing longer

1. the people i love.
-brendan <3
there the poeple i love most in the world. alot of the time there my only resons.

2.the stars. you can't see then when your rotting in the ground.

when i was going threw a really hard time at home, fighting with my mom and dealing with my dad death iused to gaze at the stars every night. every night i would be at my window looking around at the snow with the stars shineing bright they shine brightest in the winter. ther where my salvation.

for a while those where my only to resons to live to go on ever. but now, i have some more.
- family
- getting out of this god forsken place.

4. if i kill my self some one, some where out there will cry over my grave. some one some where out there ( soul mate, yes i believe in tht) will be lost and have to go threw there life alone.i could never. ever. do that to him.

5. i refuse to hurt the ones i love, even if my cuts are hurting them my death will hurt worse. at least they have some of me this way. the rest i bleed away.

but to my veiws

veiw one: life is hard but theres a reason im on this worl i want to help people. i never want some one to feel like me.

veiw two: people are awful they are genuanly bad well are slefish and ALL disever to die. life is a crul joke that has no real meaning and people can be replaced.

see how different thos are?

but do you see how they are the same?

i do hate people and they are selfish and we do disaver to die, but even tho that is ture and life might be a joke ( i haven't lived enfoe or seen enofe to know) poeple out there that are like me with people that love them shouldnt die.

even tho people are evil no one diserevis this pain.

no one.


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