i dont like it :(
and this is comeing fomr an angry person. i think is time i change. stop being so hateful. i stoped cutting. i stoped drinking. im changeing. and this is a good thing.
i wish brendan knew, i know he still hates me. but i think i just need to let go. no hate, because being mad at him for, being honist is compleatly stupied. i've been a real idiot lately.i was so lost in my own sickness. i didn't look around.i always had the opinon that i saw more, that i knew more then others. but i dont im to lost. or i WAS to lost in hate and pain i didnt see.
i said i hate what i became, but i turned myself into that. i was the problem, i didn't want to admit it.. but yeah i was.if i could stop cutting and drinking i wonder what eles i can do. i want to be a better person. i want to do this for ME. i bitch about how life is to short, but i never listen to what i say.
im not doing this FOR brendan, hes my muse. my insperation. in the end i wont be worthless i dont think i ever was. i was lost yes, but worthless no. i know brendan hates me but if i let go it wont matter anymore :)
in the end ill be okay :)
i have no where to go but up.
im going to be free
- free flyer
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